Happy Life Day Everybody! Or Not...

Happy Life Day Everybody! Or Not…

http://media-cache-ec2.pinterest.com/upload/129760032983819320_Y14qYf45.jpg

 It came to my attention recently that there was a Star Wars special that I had not seen. It is cleverly titled: Star Wars Holiday Special. You can learn all the fun facts about it here:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Star_Wars_Holiday_Special

 I thought to myself, hey I have a week off, I should try to fix this gap in my Star Wars Nerddom and add this wonderful piece of the Star Wars verse to my fandom. My husband, who was not alive to see this special on November 17, 1978 when it first aired (First and only time it aired), but did watch it later in college, warned me against it. In fact, it was his warning against it that made me want to watch it in the first place! I thought to myself, “How bad could it be?” I mean come one, it’s Star Wars and a holiday special. As a general rule, I love all things Star Wars, and all things holiday. This mini-film was going to be a dream come true for me! One thing led to another, and I sat in shocked silence staring at my computer screen wondering what I had just burnt into my brain while my husband sat nearby doing his best not to look as thrilled as he was for being completely and utterly right. I hate when he’s right.

To all you brave souls who wish to experience this piece of Star Wars Legend, beware, the road ahead is a dangerous one filled with pain and suffering. It is, however, a journey every self-respecting Star Wars fan has to go through at least once in their lifetime.  Consider it a rite of passage. May the force be with you.

The following is my summary of each section of this epic film and links of where you can find them in order on YouTube. (You’re welcome. It took me forever to piece it together with all the pieces that worked.) This hour or so of my life shall henceforth never be spoken about again.

Part One: In which Han Solo and Chewbacca are in the middle of a space battle with the Empire and Chewbacca’s family makes crazy sounds that make no sense for about the first twenty minutes of this “movie.” There’s also an attempted suicide by Chewie’s son and a demonic acrobatic show that lasts eight hours.

Run Time: 9:59

Link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FCNGjKnTzaQ

Part Two: In which the cooing continues and Luke Skywalker and R2-D2 make a cameo! Shenanigans ensue between Luke and R2 involving engines and steam. You could say this scene gets pretty steamy (I know I’m funny). There’s also a punny scene with a shopkeeper.

Run Time: 10:00

Link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PQLPZlKIHLE

Part IV (Yes I know this it out of order, but these links have many errors. Trust me, this is what comes next.): In which Malla (Chewie’s wife) is watching a cooking show hosted by a guy in a dress with four arms and who gives me nightmares, and I basically have no idea why I’m still watching. Abject horror? Morbid fascination at how this could get worse. There’s also a space battle. I think it’s stolen from Star Wars: A New Hope.

Run Time: 5:09

Link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CUdTdKc3O5o

Part V: In which we watch a scene from Star Wars: A New Hope and have a Big Brother moment with an imperial agent giving orders on a screen in the Chewbacca family home. The punny guy from the shop shows up again. (How does he keep getting work?) Also Grandpa Itchy has a very uncomfortable private moment with a woman in his mind and I feel the need to cover my eyes.

Run Time: 5:18

Link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qmxJwNXHNsY

Part VI: In which we get to see the conclusion to the uncomfortable moment with Grandpa Itchy and his dream woman (oh joy). There’s also singing. Why, dear God, why?

Run Time: 5:05

Link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=emY5n8O9owo

Part VII: Princess Leia and C-3PO have their cameo, Wookie-Ookies come into existence, and Storm Troopers show up with Nazi-like Imperial agents. Happy holidays.

Run Time: 5:14

Link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L8hCw89abII

Part VIII: In which somehow this show is still going and I just don’t know why. Imperial agents are racist against Wookies and Jefferson Starship has a cameo.

Run Time: 7:23

Link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MvNrAawZDPU

Part IX: In which I fall asleep because I just have no idea what’s happening or why it’s important. Lumpy starts watching an original Star Wars cartoon which we’re not allowed to see because Fox doesn’t want you to.

Run Time: 2:24

Link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=He4-79P2PmU

(Here’s an edited version of the cartoon I was able to find: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BM_MR7sY2_8)

Part 9: In which we, for some reason unknown, travel to a cantina on Tatooine, a weird guy pours liquid into a hole in his head, and an old lady sings to space aliens. Ok, nothing will surprise me anymore.  (I know the numbers are out of order, but we might as well jump to this version to finish this off. As far as I can tell, this is what comes next because Fox cut out what happens between the last clip and this one.)

Run Time: 9:53

Link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pH_FOOYQnCQ

Part 10: In which the song is still not over! How can that possibly be? Finally we’re back at Chewbacca’s house with his family (Joy, more growling). Chewbacca and Han Solo magically show up, Yay! Stormtroopers die, Han Solo is a softy, the Wookies growl at each other some more (enough with the growling!) and Chewie and Malla share an awkward Wookie kiss type thing.

Run Time: 8:48

Link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O6jJweYMFug

Part 11: In which Wookies light candle, transcend into space to a special Wookie location. But oh look, Leia, Han Solo, Luke Skywalker, R2-D2, and C-3P0 are there too! Leia sings about love and peace and stuff. There are trumpets, everyone’s happy, and we finally reach the blissful end of this tragic piece of Star Wars history. Cue random cut scenes from Star Wars: A New Hope.

Run Time:9:57

Link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u9aLSnOG_4U

Congratulations, you survived! I feel closer to all of you now. We have all shared in a special kind of torture that Star Wars nerds everywhere subject themselves too, because frankly, we just can’t help ourselves. We must see it all! We must know and memorize every piece of Star Wars canon out there! I don’t know of a better way to end this then to just wish you all a very Happy Life Day filled with wookie love, homemade Wookie-Ookies, epic space battles, and songs of love and peace sung around the tree of life.

Now let us all forget this ever happened.